A while ago I asked my followers for advice on how to overcome social anxiety. But first, I wanted to give some background on my social anxiety and some further thoughts.

I’m the kind of person who is totally cool talking to people and carrying on a conversation. Where my social anxiety kicks into play is the moment I have to commit to a plan to meet up with someone. It is so incredible difficult for me to do this. I’m scared, I don’t like the anticipation, I don’t like waiting period between making plans to the plan itself.

So I’m really uncomfortable with planned socializing. Because of this, I’ve been having a hard time making friends and meeting new people. It’s also tricky because I am very content with myself and I love being alone. Naturally, this poses a concern because I don’t want to get too comfortable and accept this as my forever. I don’t want to miss out on the wondrous joy that I know friendships and social interaction can bring to my life.

Now that I have graduated, I am in a position where I don’t have the same social opportunity as I did on a college campus. This means it’s go-time for new habits to start forming so I don’t continue in my habitual ways.

Though I am no where near where I visualize myself, I have surprisingly been making more progress than I thought I was capable of. Even though they are the babiest of steps, it’s progress none the less. And I’m really proud of that.

Sometimes, one step at a time is truly all we can do for ourselves. I think that’s something to be celebrated.

Before I share what I’m currently doing to help with my social anxiety, I want to share what some of my lovely Instagram followers advised me. Their words truly resonated with me and I wanted to pass them along to you.

My Followers’ Advice on Battling Social Anxiety

@Catherineamartin

For years, I battled social anxiety and it wasn’t until I put myself in situations that were very very uncomfortable could I break out of it. I learned how to cope with this anxiety and face it head-on. I took a public speaking class (even though I didn’t have to), I turned my alone time to be more intentional and meditated and journaled, I started off doing things by myself because I had to be okay with myself first. It wasn’t until I was truly happy with myself and had built up my confidence and self-esteem that I started to naturally attract like-minded people into my life. Then from there, I had built a good foundation for myself, and I am now trying to branch out and participate in these clubs or organizations to see if I can find someone who has similar interests to me as well!

@goodvibesgirl_ | www.goodvibesgirl.com

Don’t judge yourself for not having friends and don’t judge yourself for wanting friends. I’m like you — an old soul it seems — and sometimes it feels difficult to relate. I don’t actually have social anxiety but I went through a stage where I experienced it intensely for months. But hey, I’m still awkward AF. I think the secret to getting over it is to start by observing it in yourself and understand your triggers. Also, like I said before not judging yourself…just saying “okay I’m experiencing social anxiety right now and that’s okay.”

You can use visualization, meditation, mindfulness, and daily mantras [to overcome social anxiety]. And just saying like, “Hey, I’m awesome AF and this person (even if they don’t seem to have a lot in common) is awesome AF too and this moment is a blessing to connect.”

Also on a more tangible level, volunteer for an organization that needs your talents (or try something you’ve never done before!!!), join a fitness group, or even work at a coffee shop 2 days a week!

@ardenh

I know it’s so hard, I let it make me feel like shit sometimes but it really has gotten better with setting intentions and goals for each day/week/whatever! And trying not to beat myself up even when I feel like I ‘failed’ at 9/10 interactions that week or whatever the case may be.

@laura.kanevi

For my whole life I’ve been very shy, self-conscious and I felt social anxiety a lot, especially during school. And not that I’ve changed completely, I still have my insecurities and certain social situations freak me out, but what I’ve learned through the past few months is that sometimes you just need to give yourself that extra push. Go to that bar your colleagues are going to, join a friend who’s planning a dinner with other people, text that person you follow and admire on Instagram that you think might be a nice human being. And after that little push, which is the hardest thing, you might see that actually being around people might be really nice and bring you true joy. Even if you think like “Ah, I’m not feeling like going out today” try and just go, just see what happens and I’m sure that most the time it will end up you having a great time with people. At least that’s what happened to me. <3

@jaceylaurasmith

So this is food for thought. I have never done it specifically for social anxiety but do strongly believe in it. Law of Attraction and working very hard to train your brain to see the anxiety not as something holding you back but as something positive. Be grateful for the social interactions you have and live as though those awesome in-real-life relationships are there. Believe you are confident. I listen to confident affirmations every night as I sleep (be aware of subconscious mind.)

@dropofdewey

I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but I always felt like I didn’t have any friends since [middle school] too. And it’s been a big point of insecurity for me as an adult creative. But I think sometimes you just have to let go a bit, and then you’d be surprised what comes your way. Sometimes when we focus so much on not having that one thing and working so hard to try to get it, it can be so draining and it makes that lonely feeling even worse. That’s not a good frequency to be vibing at. It’s kinda like saying, “You know what, I want that, but I’ll be fine no matter what so I’m going to let that one go.” And that’s when I’ve met some truly great people in real life.

What I’ve Been Doing Lately That’s Been Helpful

I’m 24 years old and it’s embarrassing to admit that I still need a support system when it comes to social interactions. I wish I could easily have a one-on-one interaction but at the end of the day, I know I can’t dwell on this wish. I accept that this is my current situation and I vow to not judge myself for it.

With that being said, this is how I’ve been able to inch my way into social interactions:

I have been using my work life as a means of providing social opportunity for myself. But on top of that, I’ve had the privilege of doing so with a family member by my side and that’s usually my mom.

My mom actually has a big role in my work behind the scenes, so her support as a mother as well as a business partner has been really helpful for me. For example, I was invited into a local café for a drink on the house. (Side note: restaurants and eating out are triggers for my general anxiety.) Because I get anxious in restaurants as well as meeting strangers, my mom accompanied me as a business partner. This helped me follow through and not back out of this opportunity for growth. Not only that, she was there as a motherly support system which helped me feel safe as I sat through my anxiety.

Another example is when a fashion designer in San Francisco reached out to me, wanted to meet me, and invited me to her pop-up for a gifting opportunity. As a content creator, I actually don’t meet 95% of my clients/contacts or even have a face to their name. It’s absolutely bonkers if you think about it…

So, this opportunity was different for me, and scary to say the least. But I was also actually really excited and knew this was a huge opportunity for growth — personally and professionally. Ah yes, this is what the adults call networking - something I just haven’t really done in person ever before because ~anxiety~. Anyway, I still felt that I needed my mom’s support and that if I didn’t have her accompany me, I would most likely give an (anxiety induced habitual) excuse as to why I couldn’t make it.

After we met with the fashion designer, which was awesome, I took my mom out to a café. And can you believe that I didn’t have any anxiety in there?! I think ~café exposure therapy~ is finally starting to help me.

One last example is that my sister had a male friend who wanted to get into modeling and suggested we get together so I could photograph him. I was scared to meet someone I didn’t know and bring them into my studio so I asked my sister is she could be there during our session to help break the ice. This was wildly helpful for me and I feel so thankful she was willing to do that.

Just the other day, I did my third photoshoot with him and it was just us two. This was a huge moment for me!

I realize that this particular method may not be feasible for you. I wish I had more advice to give but overall, I more so wanted to say that I am right here with you doing the best I can with where I am and I know you are too.

I believe that you and I will overcome our current situation and that this won’t last forever.

Keep pushing yourself and don’t feel ashamed for needing support or needing to take baby steps. I’m right here with you.

Social anxiety will not win.

Let’s have a discussion below.

What small accomplish have you made in these last couple of months with your social anxiety? What advice do you have to give to others? What is a goal you are currently trying to accomplish and how are you going about it?

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